just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
