i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
