I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
