Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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