what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
