I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
