I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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