I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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