Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
