His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
