so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
