i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
