i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
