Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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