If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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