i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
