I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
