i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
