So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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