I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
