Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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