Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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