I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
