whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
