I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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