I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
