We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
