No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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