i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
