Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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