Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
