Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
