How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
