I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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