the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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