I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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