My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he just fucked me for my cheese.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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