I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
