You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's the barista slut.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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