i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
