i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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