Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
