She went from zero to smokin in five shots
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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