she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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