I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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