Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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