Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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