We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
