my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
