....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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