every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
