it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
