Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
