remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
